The Big Day

Anna's feeling a lot better and she's been taking some good naps, so I have a little time to write about the last few days. I generally write in fragments because that is how I think, and we all know I'm not the best writer (even less so when I'm tired) so I apologize if this is hard to read!

I didn't take any pictures the day of surgery and only a few the next day, but I did want to take some to remember the event. Because while not the happiest of days, it will remain a big day in our lives and in Anna's. 

Here are a few pictures of Anna before the surgery, on our way to the hospital and in the lobby. Happy girl as usual. Crawling and climbing everywhere.

We had pre-op Monday morning and that's when we heard the bad news about the casting. We thought about calling off the hand surgery, but decided to keep going with it. It has definitley added significant challenge to Anna's mobility and ability to entertain herself, but it is what it is.

The next day we were at the hospital bright and early. Anna charmed everyone as usual.  It was hard when the nurse took her back. I looked away and choked down a sob, but I didn't lose it. All the nurses and doctors around made it easier to remain collected. I knew she was in good hands.

They gave us a Build-a-Bear ticket which was right there at the hospital, and that was a fun way to spend some time. I listened to a lot of worship music, too.

We received updates every hour or so. They first told us she went down without a whimper, which was a huge relief. Anna is a fighter and I pictured her clawing her way through the gas portion, but that wasn't the case. The surgery went as planned and took about three and a half hours. We weren't able to be with Anna until an hour after surgery when she was moved into recovery.

The first six hours were not that bad. Anna was groggy and fussy but didn't seem to be in any terrible pain. She couldn't really move and the waist cast keeps her from sitting up so we walked with her as much as possible in our arms or in the Medi-wagon.

It's very difficult to go through surgery with a non-verbal child. They can't tell you whether they are in pain, hungry, thirsty, tired, or uncomfortable. We had to guess by trying everything. When she would be extra fussy we offered her food, water, a nap, comfort, pain meds, etc. It's exhausting. Really hard. She was consolable for only short times the first 24 hours. She barely slept but a few hours at night. It was hard for her to be in that hospital bed with nurses coming in every hour to pock and prod her, despite how wonderful all the staff were. Anna hated it. She was connected to so many machines and hates any sort of restriction with a passion!

We also had some problems getting the pain meds working and that was the most difficult thing to go through, more than the surgery itself. We hated seeing her in so much pain. The second day when she was still in significant pain they agreed to try a new medication and thankfully it helped her sleep. After that she was a new baby. We saw her smile for the first time that day. It was brief, but wonderful. We hadn't seen her smile since the surgery, and I felt like we had broken her spirit. She had been so sullen and downtrodden.... when visitors or other patients would talk to her or smile at her she would cry. She didn't want anyone to come near her. She is still acting very distrustful of anyone other than Ben and I. I think she is afraid they are going to poke her, make her take medicine, or take her away. This breaks my heart. She used to be so happy to see anyone and everyone. I pray that she becomes trustful and happy again.

Here are some pics after she got some sleep.

The first picture of her looking more normal. She was playing with her bandaid and had a content expression:

She can lay on her tummy but can't move anywhere yet. She's not able to move at the left hip.

Once she got some sleep and wasn't in pain, they gave us the okay to go home.

She's on a rotation of meds around the clock and has been sleeping and eating better now that she's home. She gets frustrated that she can't do the things she used to do, and that is heartbreaking. But we'll get through these next six weeks. I'm so thankful Ben has this week off, though he was told he has to make up the hours next week (really? have a heart now...).  Changing her diaper is hard, and so is finding clothes to go around her arm cast. I cut one dress down the seam to get over her arm, and some of the sleeveless dresses she can easily wear if the weather warms up. Dresses will be our best friend this month.

Mostly I just try to keep my mind focused on today, not tomorrow or four weeks from now. God's grace is sufficient for us right now, and that's all that we need.
 

His mercies are new every morning.