I've found myself repeating that a lot lately. To my inner soul.
Give me strength.
Despite the good news of late, there has been a rise in the waters around me.
New issues with Anna's leg.
No walking for now. No leg for now.
Heartbroken for my little girl who doesn't understand.
Long trips to Shriners on the horizon.
Mumblings of another surgery.
Fear.
New baby still coming quickly. Not slowing down.
Anxiety.
New job starting.
Anxiety.
Moving.
Trips to Atlanta for doctors appointments.
Allergies.
Exhaustion.
I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm going to break.
Give me strength.
I want to ask the questions: Why? Why can't Anna get a break? Why can't we get a break? I want to cry. I do cry. I want to give up.
But I can do it. It's worth it.
Give me strength, God. Help me. Breathe.
25 weeks. Baby is growing.
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A few things that made laugh today. And I really needed a laugh:
I'm Not Into Vintage from Love, Matt and Kara. While I do go to thrift stores and am not a brand namer, I could relate to just about everything else she said. I totally appreciate vintage-ness in others, but I've tried to make it work for me and it just doesn't. In terms of home and personal style, I've decided that 'Classic' fits me best.
Posted from Erica's blog, which chronicles her experience with infertility (anyone going through a debilitating illness, disability, etc might get a chuckle out of this):
6 comments:
so sorry to hear there's bad news :-( Hope things get better soon and that they can avoid another surgery.
Love the belly, you look fantastic!
Oh Lisa, I am so sorry. Just when it seemed like yall might catch a break...ugh. Just refer to our string of emails from a few months ago...that was cathartic!! Thinking of and praying for yall.
Lisa - I can totally empathize with you. I endure much worry and discouragement when things are going wrong. I feel like when its not jack's leg, (wich i feel like i am constantly getting adjusted or tweaked for redness, growth, loosing weight/gaining weight) then its his constipation issues making us have to think creatively about his diet, or medicines etc. You and I are only as strong as the grace our Lord gives us for each day. That's the only thing I can rest on when I find my mind wondering away from me.
Oh Lisa, I'll be praying for you in the coming days. Anxiety is a beast. I've been dealing with it and I don't even have really good reasons for why I have it! I think the real issue for me has been not knowing how to emotionally deal with family issues plus just being in a time of change.
I do believe that this baby coming into your lives is intended to be a time of joy and blessing for your family. So I will be praying that despite all the change, everything on your plate, and all of Anna's issues that you will be overcome with joy, peace, and rest.
And that sweet Anna, she's a fighter. I actually really don't believe that everything happens for a reason. I think we live in a world that's been broken and there are effects and casualties that go along with that. I do believe though, that God can and will take our dirty, hurting, and broken and turn it into something beautiful. You can already see it all over that little girl.
This dancer was on a recent SYTYCD and it was so beautiful and I thought of you and Anna. Thought you might like to see it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FZUpBXpw10do
Oh Lisa, I am so sorry to hear things are so hard right now. We will keep your family in our prayers. And keep praying for strength. He hears you, He is there for you, He will give you strength to be able to endure life's challenges. Hang in there!
Wow, I have no idea what you're going through, and I know this might sound a little similar to the little ecard there, but God wouldn't have given you these obstacles if he didn't think you could overcome them. Just know that in the end you'll be stronger and better because of them.
I can already tell you are so strong.
:)
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