I officially have no idea what to do about weaning Anna from the bottle. The deal is that six months ago I would have said, "At one year's old, no questions. That's the recommendation, that's what we're doing." Yeah....
Now I'm second guessing the whole when-to-wean thing. See, Anna used to treat the bottle only as a means for food. She wasn't particularly attached to it. I noticed at 11 months (around the time of her surgery) she started to show signs of relief and happiness when it was time for her bottle- she started to get attached and it has become a major soothing mechanisms for her during this recovery period. Let's face it, she's had a rough few months. Lots of adjustments. And the adjustments are only going to continue. That's where my dilemma comes in.
I attempted to give her milk in a cup instead of a bottle today and she had a major meltdown. It's not that she can't drink from a cup, or that she isn't eating enough solid food- she drinks water from a straw cup and eats solids well. Normally, I could work with her resistance but right now I feel like it's one more thing I would be putting her through. She's been so emotionally unstable since the surgery, I just don't have the heart to put her through something like taking away a primary comfort right now. I firmly believe that it's my job to set limits no matter how much she is going through, but I'm torn on this one.
Even if I wait say, six months from now, it's not like she won't be going through major adjustments then, too. She gets her leg cast off in two weeks and she will be adjusting to life without a foot. Then she will be fitted for a prosthesis and for the next six months she will be adjusting to a new limb. Talk about adjustment. She will have this heavy thing attached to her leg and will be learning how to use it and integrate it into her body. So even if I wait until she's 18 months, there's nothing to say it will be any easier. If I wait even longer, it could wind up being more difficult in the long run.
That said, there are two sides of the weaning coin. Many people say one year is it because of the increased chance of cavities, preventing them from seeking oral gratification, it interferes with speech, encourages chugging liquid, etc. So on and so forth. I know the deal. Then there are the other folks who say it's not that big of a deal and point out how our hyper-parenting culture is always coming up with new recommendations and turning them into life-or-death matters, that babies don't need to be pushed to become adults so quickly, that we are in way too much of a rush to push our kids on to the next thing these days, etc. I vacillate between the two points of view. I really can't decide what is best in Anna's case. Should we just get it out of the way, even if it will be really hard? Should we throw the recommendations to the wind in lieu of her special circumstances? I know that if she gets off the bottle it could be a rough road, and she won't be drinking as much which isn't great when it comes to constipation. But it has to happen at some point.
Thoughts? Should I do it now and get it over with? Wait until the casts come off? Wait until 14-15 months when she's adjusting to her new leg? Wait until after the leg and just forget about it for now? (I really don't want a two year old on a bottle).
If you are a parent, I am obligating you to comment :) Even if your child never touched a bottle, you are not off the hook. And no need to tell me I'm over thinking things. I already know that, ha :)
8 comments:
Since I'm obligated and all... :)
I'm inclined to say don't start right now while she's still dealing with uncomfortable casts, but maybe try to do it before the prosthesis phase. Also, I would do it (and did do it) gradually. See if there's a certain time of day when she cares a little less than the other times and start with giving milk in a sippy then. Once she adjusts to that (even if it takes a while), try a second time. That way even if she's still using a bottle at bedtime or whenever, you feel like you're making progress over time. Then again, you know your girl better than anyone else and if you think that would just draw out her misery, I totally get it. Does she have any other attachment items? Emphasizing something like a lovey or blankie could even help if it's about self-soothing. Good luck with whatever route you decide!
I agree with Mollyanne about waiting and then weaning her gradually. Sometimes you just have to throw the recommendations out the window and go with what works best for your baby's circumstances instead. One major life change at a time is enough for her and for you. She's pretty amazing so I bet she'll adjust to that prosthesis quickly and you'll find a good moment then to ween her.
OK, my advice should obviously be taken with many grains of salt, since I have never weaned a child. :) But I was wondering if there would be any chance of moving her milk over to a sippy cup, but still giving her a bottle with water in it sometime? Maybe that would still fill some of her emotional needs for the bottle? Or could she just play with/chew on empty bottles? I have no idea if that would work. But just thinking about making the nutritional/"best practice" changes where you can, without removing the thing itself as an item of comfort. I agree that you should probably wait until she's in a place where she's not going through a lot of other big changes/discomforts as well, though.
I have weaned three children,two of them twins. It isn't easy. My oldest is very very stuborn. I took a week of chucking the sippy cup across the room, before she would drink out of it. I would wait for the casts to come off, then wean her. If you wait too long it will only make it hader on Anna. Children are very smart and will see how far they can push you, until you give in, so once you start you have to keep doing it or weaning will not work. Don't give in to the tantrums with the bottle. For now until she adjusts with everything, letting her carry around the empty bottle would be a good idea, and give her some security with something she likes. She will probably decide she doesn't need to carry it after a while. I hope this helps, Good luck.
I would start moving her over to a sippy cup gradually but consistently. In my opinion, it doesn't matter if it takes a week or three months...she'll get there eventually, it's just more important to keep at it. I would start with replacing the milk in the bottle with water for one serving. Once she starts accepting that, move it up to two servings, and then three, and then hopefully you can get it to where she only gets water out of the bottle. Once she figures out she can only get the "good stuff" from her sippy, her interest will move over there. You might also need to try a few different sippies, if she doesn't really seem to be a fan of them. We tried four or five different kinds before we found some that we both liked (we use the Playtex Twist and Click ones). I know it's a comfort thing for her right now so just let her lead the pace and hopefully it won't be too hard on her.
i weaned mine before his first b-day but i did it gradually. could you give her a cup at meal times first and then work your way up to weaning? start off slow. i dont think its a big deal to let her have it however i do have to say that bottles mess up and rot teeth :( that would be my only concern as we have seen it in the family and its not pretty (my DH cousin's child had 4 teeth pulled at 2 1/2 yrs old) other than that give her different sippy cups to try out and see what she likes. you may find there is a sippy cup she likes more than a bottle. just take it slow and see how it goes. i wouldnt push her but see if she will make the change herself. i hope this helps.
Kaden drank his milk out of a bottle until he was 18 months. But he only drank milk in his bottles and drank water out of sippy or straw cups. He refused to drink milk in a sippy or straw cup for some reason...and trust me I tried and tried. He could care less about the milk and just liked the routine of having his bottle. So once the bottle was gone...so was the milk. He still doesn't drink milk. He will occasionally, but never finishes even half a cup. I've even tried giving him chocolate milk and same thing, doesn't care for it. So I make sure he gets his dairy/calcium, etc. elsewhere. Anyway, so we held onto the bottle until 18 months so I could be sure he was getting enough calcium. But obviously at some point I had to stop. Anyway, what we did was when he turned one, I initially tried weaning him completely and when that didn't work, we just cut down his bottles so he was only getting three a day. And then a couple months later we had it down to two a day...just one in the morning and one in the evening. And then a few months later down to just his morning bottle (that was the one he wanted the most, he asked for it every morning). And then eventually I just stopped giving him his morning bottle. And there were a few mornings of him whining for it, but I distracted him enough until he forgot about it and eventually forgot about it completely.
Dylan is looking like it's going to be the same story. He too, since surgery, has become more emotionally attached to his bottle and so I just don't have the heart to take it away. However, we are already down to just two bottles and he handled that fine. He still asks for his bottle during times when I don't give it to him anymore, and I just get him a sippy cup and distract him and he's eventually fine.
My advice would be...if she's needing it right now, don't take it away. She's been through something pretty traumatic and she's probably just getting to a point where she's starting to "trust" life again. Give her a chance to adjust to her "new" life. But I would suggest starting to wean...as in drop one bottle during the day for now. Just make sure that you are offering her lots of sippy or straw cups throughout the day to keep her distracted when she doesn't have a bottle and also to help in hydration/constipation. Then maybe in a month or so, after she's adjusted to the cast being off, drop another bottle, etc.
I just say there is no rush. I talked to our pediatrician about it when Kaden was going through this and they said the biggest concern with bottle feeding and the whole teeth decay issue is if they are falling asleep with the bottle or if they are constantly drinking it...like carrying it around and consistently drinking it during the day. That's when it becomes a concern for their teeth. But if they are just drinking their bottle in a sitting and then it gets put away, teeth can be brushed before falling asleep, etc. Then it's not that big of a deal.
After reading your post, I talked to my mom about it (she has weaned three babies who are healthy, thriving adults). We both agree that "giving in" to her right now and letting her have the bottle will not set her up for any future negative patterns. You are setting many limits in all areas of her life, so rest in knowing you're a great mom!
My mom's biggest advice, "if watching Anna being comforted during this season comforts Lisa, then that is the best thing she can do for her." Take care of your heart so you can take care of hers.
For practicality purposes, I have heard many moms talk about trying different sippy cups (I'm not sure they live off a pastor's salary) but I would give that a shot.
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