Provision. And Renewed Hope.

God has been doing some really cool things in my family lately.

A few posts ago I mentioned how we had exhausted our savings and would be relying on student loans until Ben graduates. How little faith I have, and how much I underestimate God!

If you haven't been reading about our journey for very long, a brief recap. When we made the decision for me to stay home with Anna last March, we lost the only income source we had since Ben is a full-time student and, because his program is time-intensive (70 hours a week total of class/study time), it eliminates the option for him to hold a part-time job. So far we have financially made it all the way through this February.

Well, God is continuing to provide for us. We found out yesterday we would be receiving a tax refund more than 3 times what we expected. At first I thought it was a mistake. After all, I was on payroll for only 4 months in 2011 yet our refund is more than twice last year's. But thanks to some cool circumstances, our refund will possibly be enough to stretch three months. On the horizon we also have a potential for one more month's expenses. If all goes well, that would carry us through June. Then we would only have 2 to 3 more months left before Ben graduates and can start working. I'm confident that God will come through for those months, as well.

That is a year and a half of God providing for our family's monthly costs. Without an income. Without taking out extra school loans for living expenses.

Disclaimer:  I should make clear here that I do not advocate for making an unwise, risky decision simply because it is what one wants, such as quitting your only source of income, buying something you can't afford, etc..... and then 'trusting' God to provide. That's not trusting God, it's manipulating him (and he doesn't respond to well to it). We try our hardest to avoid this common pitfall. We were open to whatever God would have us do back when we had to make the decision. If he wanted me to go back to work so we would have a steady income, I was willing to go back and trust him to provide the kind of care that our daughter needed. If he wanted me to stay at home with her, I would resign and trust him to provide. If I had had my choice, in order to satisfy the practical side  I would have probably attempted to work part-time until Ben graduated. But alas, God's plans are better, and we heard him clearly tell me to quit my job. The whole job. When it was time to make the final decision, Ben had a vision of me handing in my resignation letter. We had a deep peace about it. And it has been the most amazing decision. Easy, no. Amazing, yes.

That aside, recently I was tempted to apply for Medicaid because I qualify for it and it would save me the $135 monthly share for my participation in Samaritan Ministries (my alternative to health insurance right now- great option by the way). But I never felt fully right about it. After all, if we are purposefully choosing a path in order to rely on God, then how is that relying on him? The day after we did our taxes, God whispered to me that while there wasn't necessarily anything wrong with applying, trusting him was a much better, surer thing than relying on the government. It is an opportunity to know Him better. Oh, how right he is!

I had started to lose my hope, my vision, for provision and other things in our family. I was resorting to making things happen in my own strength. He has reminded me how great it is to choose to believe Him.
As I was swinging on the playground today while watching my beautiful daughter play in the grass, a timely song popped up in my ipod- Robbie Seay Band's "Song of Hope."

I am filled with more lightness and joy than I have felt in a long time. The fruit that comes from trusting Him.

A missionary once told me that if you are not believing God right now for something that only he can come through for, then you are not living the best he has for you. I had lost this. Yet God, in his lovingkindness, drew me back to Hope. To Him.

The Lord is my shephard and I want for nothing.

Psalm 23