Happiness Deferred

As you've probably already discovered, I've struggled back and forth with lack of contentment during the latter 2 years of this long 8 year season in my life of living as simply as possible. In the college and graduate school days it was easy to be content because everyone around you was in the same boat. There was nothing to compare yourself to. But now that we are a little older, it has become more challenging. People in our generation are typically homeowners and multiple car and gadget owners. Often they are 401K and IRA owners. Some are even college savings fund owners and rental property owners. The list goes on. We begin to look around and suddenly our little apartment seems far from the norm.

Do you ever go to a friend's house and come away feeling the opposite of content? Like all of a sudden you realize all the things you don't have? How cramped your apartment is. How you worry if the upstairs tenants' obnoxiously loud rap music and arguing will wake the baby up. How you don't have a yard or any privacy and can't have people over to "entertain" because you don't even have a real kitchen table. How you are tired of eating lots of chicken but it's the most economical. How you only have one car and it's very inconvenient to be stuck at home all day. How you don't exactly live close to anyone you know because no one else wants to live in the "rougher" part of town. How you wish you didn't have to listen to profanity-filled music being blasted from cars in the parking lot when you're walking with your little one. Sigh.

Sometimes when I see friends around me with their nice big houses all decorated and spacious, their big yards to have people over, and their easy modes of transportation, I can't help but think their lives seem easier. Better.

But "better" is a facade. Happiness should not be deferred to a time in the future. Contentment indicates the present. Now.

I recently read these excerpts from Simple Mom:

When I let go of the idea of someday happiness, I found it in everything around me. I didn’t need a bigger house to be happy, and I certainly didn’t need something prettier on my walls, or nicer bedding, or fancier gadgets in the kitchen. There are things that make our lives easier or prettier, but I learned that none of those external things was going to make my life better.

Beautiful, happy moments happen in big houses, small houses, fixed-up houses, and outdated houses. They take place in itty-bitty studio apartments, and they take place in homes we own or spaces we rent. The beautiful moments, the contentment with what we have comes from within, not from the walls around us.

I really love this. It reminds me of so many people we've met overseas- the man in India with a gaping hole in his roof that resulted in a soaking wet floor each time it rained, but which he never bothered to fix because everything he received he gave away to someone in greater need around him. Or Sabino and his wife and baby girl who all lived in ONE 12' by 10' (120 sq foot) room and used a community bathroom in Guatemala.

And how rich their love was.

I then saw my friend Jessica's post and she said exactly what was in my heart and challenged me to take captive those discontented thoughts. So instead of re-writing, I encourage you to read her post. It is very short and I promise it will encourage you.

It reminded me that the decision to stay home with Anna may keep us from being homeowners in the near future, but it's so worth it. I cherish every moment I get to spend with our little girl. And I think when she looks back on her childhood, she will care more that I was fully present in it than that she had a big house to run around in.

Jessica and her husband are friends we met in Athens through our church community the Well. Both of us realized we had been travelling 45 minutes away to attend the place we loved, and neither of us knew the other was from Athens. When we finally did meet, it was such a blessing to Ben and me. We finally had a couple who, every time we were with them, challenged and encouraged us in the ways of God and to live simply. They didn't have the nicest things. They didn't spend a lot of time and money on fashion or decor. They cared about what mattered. Loving God and loving people. You felt it just by being in their home and being around them. We longed to have a small group, so we all got together a few times and talked about what was going on in our lives and spent time praying for each other. It was great to have friends like them. Unfortunately, we did not get to spend much time together before Ben and I left for India. We have always said how we can't wait to meet another couple like Jessica and Brandon wherever we go next.

To the Honsaleks, we miss you guys.

Lastly, Ben and I have this ongoing joke when we pass up something we want where we look at each other and say, "Someday, when we have money, (fill in blank)."

I'm retiring this saying.