Currently

Doing my first every "Currently" post!

Feeding: Banana chips. I have a hard time finding snacks that don't make me feel yucky. Banana chips, at least the ones I eat, consist only of bananas, coconut oil, and a tiny bit of sugar. They are perfect for in between meals.


Reading: Just finished Red Rising. Loved it. Can't wait for the next book to come out! Right now I am reading How to Listen so Kids Will Talk and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen. Love, love, love it! Adding it to my top parenting books along with Simplicity Parenting and Love and Logic.


Needing: To slow down my mind. I usually rarely have trouble sleeping, but lately I've had several bouts of insomnia because I have all these things I want to do and think about. Not bothersome things, just things. And they keep me awake.


Conceding: That I need to appreciate the city I live in for what it is instead of moaning about what it isn't. There are no mountains or wonderful outdoor activities. It is pretty commercial and ridiculously hot. It isn't pedestrian friendly at all. But it has almost every resource/store you could ever need. It only takes 15 minutes to get from one side to the next. It has a great medical community. And it is only several hours from great vacation destinations: Charleston, Savannah, Atlanta, Greenville, Asheville, and Charlotte.


Gearing up for: a family wedding. I love weddings, especially family ones! I'm a bridesmaid, Ben is a groomsman, and Anna is a flower girl! Should be lots of fun and lots of celebrations!


Procrastinating: Cleaning. For a while I was so good about it, following my little schedule. Lately I have been seriously neglecting it. All the 'detail' cleaning that needs to be done is overwhelming and I have no desire or intent to tackle. So lately I've been doing the bare minimum.


Thankful for: My new part time job. I've never had a job that I truly love, feel good at, and feel satisfied with because I'm making a difference in the lives of others. For right now at least, this is my dream job. I get to set my own schedule, I don't have to answer to a boss for much of anything, I don't miss any time with the girls, and I get excited about each child I test and each report I write. It's mentally stimulating, always interesting, and a great responsibility.

Good

A few week ago Ben and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary! It's hard to believe it has been that long. It's hard to believe only six years ago we were saying, "I do." Anniversaries always give me a reason to pause and reflect on life, love, and God's work.




The season that Ben and I have entered recently has been one of joy. Our children are thriving, my mental health is the best it's ever been, our marriage is thriving, we have a wonderful living situation. We have finally found true community: a church we love, good friends, and two discipleship relationships that we've prayed for, for a long time. I've found my place in the church and have started a ministry that I'm passionate about. The girls attend a church school that is wonderful and affordable. Ben's job is not perfect, as no job is, but it's good and he has a supervisor who cares about him as a person. I've found a part-time job that allows me the opportunity to use my skills without sacrificing my children's care.




Things are in no way perfect, or always easy, but for the first time in our marriage (and honestly, in my life) things feel good. They feel healthy, and easier. They feel more natural. This feels much different from the adversity we have gone through in the past. Both in our marriage and in life in general. I honestly never knew that things could be this good. I have been so used to expecting the worst and thinking I didn't deserve much better; that it would never happen for me. And now that it has, it is easy to see God as loving, kind, good, and present.



But God is always good. Not that I haven't felt that way in the past, but it feels so easy at this time in our lives. When things go well, when we experience 'blessings' (that word is not always appropriate, for easy things are not the only form of blessing), we walk around saying that "God is good."  We know in our minds that God is good. That he can never be anything but good, however, if we are honest with ourselves, this doesn't always ring true in our lives. We don't always believe it in our hearts, and we don't always act as though it's true. It's hard to believe that God truly, truly cares about us when we are walking through the fire. It is hard to believe that God truly hasn't forgotten us, that he hasn't turned his back from our pain, that he is the epitome of lovingkindness. During this season of my life, I don't want to simply sit back and relish in the beauty of today, right now. I want to sink my roots in God's goodness no matter the season. No matter the circumstances.






When my father was killed.
He was good.




When I was depressed as a child.
He was good.




When my heart was broken by a man I loved.
He was good.




When Ben and I experienced deep brokenness overseas.
He was good.




When we struggled in our marriage.
He was good.




When we lost our first baby.
He was good.




When we almost lost Anna.
He was good.




When the nurse came back to tell us that our daughter's amputation was complete.
He was good.




When I wept over the effect of life-threatening allergies on my family's life.
He was good.




When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
He was good.




When I battle with the risk of losing my daughter to anaphylaxis.
He is good.




He wept with me. He cared. He loved. 
Just as much then as now.




Just. As. Much. Then. As. Now.




He was good. He is good. He will be good. For all of eternity. Today, tomorrow, and yesterday.


I know that I will again walk through difficulty, sorrow, and adversity. But I pray that my faith will not waver; that I will not experience God's goodness any less, any less tangible, than I do right now. That I will believe and act in my heart as though God is truly who he says he is. That I will know that my experience of reality does not affect the reality that God is who he says he is.




Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say,

 Blessed be the name of the Lord

- Matt Redman

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1