From our little Sweet Pea.
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October 30, 2011
October 29, 2011
We Caved: A Cloth Diapering Post
Here I am doing the obligatory cloth diapering post. I thought I would share our journey to cloth thus far.
At first I was all about going the cloth diapering route. I had many friends who cloth diapered, and since I would be staying home it seemed a much smarter and more economical choice. I had no excuse not to. I did some research and decided to use the bumgenius 4.0s. They are considered a pocket diaper. We ordered 12 of them (we already had been given two at a shower).
Then Anna came along with some unexpected surprises. First, she was TINY. They say those diapers fit any baby 7-35 pounds, but not the case. She actually couldn't fit into them until she was 10 pounds. She wasn't 10 pounds until she was 4 MONTHS OLD!!!!! Plus, she had some GI issues and was pooping 7-8 times a day and going through 15+ diapers. Not very conducive to cloth diapering. So we stuck with disposables. Very easy. We returned the previously purchased cloth diapers but kept the two we had received from the shower.
I became unsatisfied with our diaper situation at around 6 months when Anna had her second yeast diaper rash. Those things are not easy to get rid off. Another reason was we had been fortunate enough to use many diapers received as gifts and ones my mom helped us with while staying with her. Now that we were predominantly purchasing diapers on our own, I realized that if Anna was going to be in diapers until she was 2 or 2-and-a-half we still had something like $1000 left to spend on diapers just for Anna. Not cool. So I decided to rethink the cloth option. Even with the up front investment and with starting at 6 months, the cost would be a fraction of disposables. When you factor in the possibility of using your diapers for future children you really start to save money (I estimate each child would cost almost $2000 in disposable diapers before they are potty trained).
Lastly, I would highly recommend creating a drying rack like Sarah's brilliant DIY. (This is her picture, not ours. But we made one like it and use it all the time). Great post Sarah.
At first I was all about going the cloth diapering route. I had many friends who cloth diapered, and since I would be staying home it seemed a much smarter and more economical choice. I had no excuse not to. I did some research and decided to use the bumgenius 4.0s. They are considered a pocket diaper. We ordered 12 of them (we already had been given two at a shower).
Then Anna came along with some unexpected surprises. First, she was TINY. They say those diapers fit any baby 7-35 pounds, but not the case. She actually couldn't fit into them until she was 10 pounds. She wasn't 10 pounds until she was 4 MONTHS OLD!!!!! Plus, she had some GI issues and was pooping 7-8 times a day and going through 15+ diapers. Not very conducive to cloth diapering. So we stuck with disposables. Very easy. We returned the previously purchased cloth diapers but kept the two we had received from the shower.
I became unsatisfied with our diaper situation at around 6 months when Anna had her second yeast diaper rash. Those things are not easy to get rid off. Another reason was we had been fortunate enough to use many diapers received as gifts and ones my mom helped us with while staying with her. Now that we were predominantly purchasing diapers on our own, I realized that if Anna was going to be in diapers until she was 2 or 2-and-a-half we still had something like $1000 left to spend on diapers just for Anna. Not cool. So I decided to rethink the cloth option. Even with the up front investment and with starting at 6 months, the cost would be a fraction of disposables. When you factor in the possibility of using your diapers for future children you really start to save money (I estimate each child would cost almost $2000 in disposable diapers before they are potty trained).
So we tried out the two bumgenius diapers we had. We liked them ok (and still use them), but I figured there had to be something that worked a little better for Anna, so I decided to go for G diapers.
At first I was hesitant about G diapers because I thought they would be more expensive- they have 3 sizes instead of the bumgenius's one-size-fits-all. I figured more sizes means more money. But then I realized that the size Medium G diapers fit most babies for their entire potty training period (Anna will probably never need a Large). You also don't have to wash the diaper cover (called "gpant") every time- you can just switch out the cloth inserts- which means you don't have to buy 12-16 diapers. You can buy about half that amount and stock up on inserts. All that said, the G diapers actually ended up being cheaper. It was about $200 for 8 gpants and 18 inserts. Around the cost of 4 months of disposables. For future children, I might have to buy a few of the size Small diapers, but that cost would be minimal.
Plus, with a last name that starts with a G, how can you resist a practically monogrammed diaper? ha ha....
Here she is looking super cute.
I found that I preferred G diapers for several reasons. I like that the gpant is natural material, doesn't feel like plastic, and you can wash it with your regular laundry. I like that you don't have to stuff anything like you do with pocket diapers. And as mentioned above, I like that you can reuse the gpant and don't have to change the whole diaper each time you change (saving time and money). It's pretty easy to simply toss the cloth insert into a wet bag and throw a new one in there. I also think they will last longer than if I had to wash them after each diaper change. Aesthetically, they are less bulkier than the one-sizers, cuter (no empty snap holes if you do snaps), and the colors are rich and almost all are gender neutral (sans the one pink).
All that said, how do I feel about cloth now that I'm using it? Well, I'm not as head-over-heels in love as I was hoping. Don't get me wrong, cloth diapering is definitely the right choice for us but there are some personal drawbacks: 1. Cloth diapers aren't meant to hold as long as disposables, so I have to change Anna more often. 2. They do take more time and are not as neat and clean - you have to figure out how to dispose of wipes so they don't smell, throw away/flush solid poop, etc. and while it's not the biggest hassle in the world, it's also not as easy as rolling up a disposable diaper with the wipes inside to contain. 3. It's more laundry (and since we don't have a outdoor clothesline they take longer to dry inside as I don't want to run my dryer all day). I also don't like that I can't wash the inserts with our other laundry (partly because cloth diapers need an additive free detergent and that does not mean simply a detergent labeled "Free"). 4. They aren't as easy to travel with as disposables, and 5. Even with the trim G diapers, cloth diapers are bulkier than disposables giving you that trademark "fluffy bum." While cute, some short onesies or pants may not fit over it. All that said, I am still happy that we made the switch. Staying at home with one baby, I don't feel like I have an excuse not to spend the extra time to save the extra $ (and be a little more responsible with the earth God has given us). Honestly, if I were working or had 4 children running around I would probably stick with disposables.
Here are a few things that have made cloth diapering easier.
Rockin Green detergent made for cloth diapers, recommended by a friend. Inexpensive and works. You do not want to use a detergent that is not made for cloth diapers, trust me. Even something like Tide Free can mess up their absorbency because they have enzymes or brighteners in them. Check out this website for a full list of detergent types and whether they are cloth diaper friendly, recommended, and to see their cost breakdown.
Planet Wise wet bag that hangs from your changing table. You don't need a diaper pail if you use one of these. Just throw in the diapers and they stay contained until you are ready to wash them. Throw the whole bag and contents in the wash all at once. Pretty easy.
Imse Vimse flushable liners. I was not about to scrape solid poop off my diapers so it was either a diaper sprayer or liners. I chose liners because of ease with travelling. A friend recommended these ones. At first I thought liners kind of defeated the purpose of cloth diapers in the first place, but they are very inexpensive and WORTH IT. They hold all the nasty poop so you can just throw it away. They aren't meant to keep stuff from soaking onto the insert, just meant to hold the solids. You can also reuse the non-poopy ones for 2 washes before they fall apart, making them more economical. Throw them in the wetbag with the other dirty stuff. We even cut them in half because they are fairly large.
Lastly, I would highly recommend creating a drying rack like Sarah's brilliant DIY. (This is her picture, not ours. But we made one like it and use it all the time). Great post Sarah.
That's all folks. I hope that may have helped some of you considering cloth diapering. Cloth diapering is not for everyone. Each person has a different experience. Overall, I am satisfied with it. Good luck!
October 25, 2011
Seven Months
She's seven months.
And just as happy as can be.
I can't get enough of that smile.
This month has been an exciting one. My favorite thing about Anna recently is that she has really taken off with her babbling noises. She talks "ba ba ba" to herself and then cracks up in amused giggles. I would have to say that talking is the milestone I am most excited about. I love hearing her put sounds together and can't wait to hear her first word. So far, no "ma ma" or "da da" sounds have come out.
She's become pretty mobile now- she can go from sitting to floor position and can both pull herself along and get on her hands and knees. She hasn't put the two together yet to figure out crawling :)
We dropped all night feedings unless something is disrupting sleep like travelling or sickness. She wakes up a little earlier in the morning now, but I'm ok with that. I'd rather her get up at 6:30 and sleep all night then get up at 7:30 and wake up once in the middle of the night. She still takes three naps a day (a total of ~ 4 daytime hours, 12 nighttime hours). Just whenever she's tired- no strict schedule. I tried going to two naps, but it wasn't enough. Her last nap is only 30 minutes, but she usually requires it to make it through the evening!
She's become pretty mobile now- she can go from sitting to floor position and can both pull herself along and get on her hands and knees. She hasn't put the two together yet to figure out crawling :)
We dropped all night feedings unless something is disrupting sleep like travelling or sickness. She wakes up a little earlier in the morning now, but I'm ok with that. I'd rather her get up at 6:30 and sleep all night then get up at 7:30 and wake up once in the middle of the night. She still takes three naps a day (a total of ~ 4 daytime hours, 12 nighttime hours). Just whenever she's tired- no strict schedule. I tried going to two naps, but it wasn't enough. Her last nap is only 30 minutes, but she usually requires it to make it through the evening!
Baby got her first sickness this month- a cold. I think she caught it from her Daddy, who caught it from his rotation at the pediatrician's office. Bummer. On the upside, he learned a lot about baby health that was helpful for us as parents.
Her two bottom front teeth came in and it is sooo cute. She hasn't had much problem with teething, thankfully. Just a lot of gnawing on things.
Anna continues to be a very content baby. She has developed a little more fear than she used to have- she is sometimes hesitant around strangers if they are too loud or approach her too quickly. She likes to watch people for a few minutes before they run up in her face and grab her (I wouldn't want strangers doing that to me so I can't blame her! :) Most of the time, though, she just smiles at everyone- especially in the grocery store. It seems to be her primary place to practice her people charming skills :)
She has been going to the church nursery for about a month now. They tell me she hasn't cried once. Now if only I could stop asking Ben "do you think that's Anna?" after every cry I hear during the sermon!
Anna is pretty good at sitting up, though she still prefers to be on her stomach most of the time. She especially likes to look at magazines with big pictures of babies and mamas.
What I wake up to in the morning.
Still intent on feeding herself.
Hanging out with Mommy.
Daddy's fun too.
We have an interesting time with her bouncer. I never know which leg to adjust the height to because one foot sits flat and the other barely touches. Thus, she hasn't really gotten the hang of the bouncing part. But she likes to chill in it.
I was looking through our monthly progression shots that I've been taking and am amazed at Anna's transformation from an underweight newborn to a healthy seven month old baby. The most drastic change was between 2 and 3 months. Looking back at those early couple of month I realize how thin Anna really was!
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October 21, 2011
A letter to my daughter
Someone on the FH forum I'm a part of recently posted this abstract summarizing a study done by doctors from Shriners Hospitals comparing adult outcomes of FH patients treated with amputation vs. limb lengthening. I was very encouraged by the abstract- amputees spent significantly less of their childhood in treatment, hospitals, and surgeries yet reported equal or higher satisfaction on all quality of life areas including: pain or use of pain medicine, sports participation, activity restriction, comfort wearing shorts, dislike of limb appearance, satisfaction with treatment, employment, income, and education. This was positive information for the treatment option Anna will be receiving. Even better, amputees reported a quality of life that was equal to or greater than the "normal" adult population in all areas like jobs, self-esteem, relationships, happiness, etc. And not one of the 64 showed any signs of depression. How encouraging! When people's tendency is to feel sorry for Anna, I know how unnecessary that is because in my heart I believe she will thrive.
I'm already starting to realize how being different/having a child with a difference can bring a richness to life that being normal often misses out on. A few people with physical differences told me this in the beginning, but I sort of glossed over it. It really is true.
I already feel different than I used to in so many good ways. I feel connected to other parents who have kids with health problems or disabilities, or even another unusual circumstance in their family. I feel compassion and love for them that I never came close to having before. I am now quick to realize when I am judging someone by their outward appearance or making assumptions about a person, and I see potential in people like I never used to. Before Anna, I felt very disconnected from others in these types of situations because I had no idea how to relate to them. I realize now how I was missing out on this whole world of love, compassion, courage, and joy.
And I would never have experienced it if I had been given only perfectly healthy children.
I've met so many amazing people from all over the world who feel like family. One of them, Katie, writes how even if she could change the way things were, she wouldn't. When I first read that I admired her attitude but wondered if I could ever feel the same. It was clear in this post how much I grieved our loss of normalcy and Anna's future challenges. All I had ever known was to be normal. A normal husband, normal family, normal life.
Now, I'm not so sure I would return to normal even if I could. My life is not as I expected it, but I'm starting to wonder if it's actually better this way. I feel so blessed in how much I've changed and experienced life through Anna already, and I believe she will not only have this deep joy that comes from truly learning to love life, but that she will touch other people in the same way. Would I really want to change that just so she can look like everyone else? Is normal really better? Does normal necessarily = happier?
I'm already starting to realize how being different/having a child with a difference can bring a richness to life that being normal often misses out on. A few people with physical differences told me this in the beginning, but I sort of glossed over it. It really is true.
I already feel different than I used to in so many good ways. I feel connected to other parents who have kids with health problems or disabilities, or even another unusual circumstance in their family. I feel compassion and love for them that I never came close to having before. I am now quick to realize when I am judging someone by their outward appearance or making assumptions about a person, and I see potential in people like I never used to. Before Anna, I felt very disconnected from others in these types of situations because I had no idea how to relate to them. I realize now how I was missing out on this whole world of love, compassion, courage, and joy.
And I would never have experienced it if I had been given only perfectly healthy children.
I've met so many amazing people from all over the world who feel like family. One of them, Katie, writes how even if she could change the way things were, she wouldn't. When I first read that I admired her attitude but wondered if I could ever feel the same. It was clear in this post how much I grieved our loss of normalcy and Anna's future challenges. All I had ever known was to be normal. A normal husband, normal family, normal life.
Now, I'm not so sure I would return to normal even if I could. My life is not as I expected it, but I'm starting to wonder if it's actually better this way. I feel so blessed in how much I've changed and experienced life through Anna already, and I believe she will not only have this deep joy that comes from truly learning to love life, but that she will touch other people in the same way. Would I really want to change that just so she can look like everyone else? Is normal really better? Does normal necessarily = happier?
A comment I get frequently: "Oh look, her leg is stuck in her pants!"
My Dear Anna, you are my hero. You have shown yourself to be such a little fighter. I pray that you never let go of that tenacity, and that you channel it to be a fighter for God's kingdom.
Sometimes you will have questions that your Daddy and I can't answer. That's ok. Ask your Heavenly Father, he likes to whisper to us right when we need it most. He longs to talk to you about the things on your heart. There may be times when you wish you could be like everyone else. He understands most of all. He will never let you down.
Never let anybody tell you what you can and cannot do. We are only limited by others' expectations and our own fear.
If people are rude or ignorant in their words or actions, love them. Love them fiercely. Often times it is the ones who express harshness that are in need of love the most. Be the one to reach out when others least expect it. The way you treat others will take you much farther in life than any two feet could.
And as one wise mother of a little boy once said,
A loser is not the one who runs last in the race. It is the one who sits and watches and has never tried to run.
I love you my dear, and I wouldn't change a thing about you. "All together beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you."
Your Mama
October 16, 2011
Proud Moment
Anna's been rolling over since she was only a few months old, but always using her right "normal" leg. Even at 5 months, she would not try to roll over using her left leg with the missing leg bone. Probably because it isn't as strong. Even when I would try to encourage her to roll over to the right, she would stop halfway in the air and needed to be coaxed over. She did NOT want to do it.
Well, just the other day Ben informed me that Anna was rolling over by herself with her left leg! We were so excited we got it on video.
Well, just the other day Ben informed me that Anna was rolling over by herself with her left leg! We were so excited we got it on video.
So proud of our little girl!
October 15, 2011
Menu Planning
I thought I would share how I do menu planning in our home because it really makes life easier. I hate to grocery shop so the thought of stopping multiple times at a grocery store throughout a week is enough to make me shudder. I've found that menu planning is not that hard and it has a lot of other perks as well:
Here's the method I've found works best for us.
Step 1. I sit down every Saturday. First I look at the weekly ads online at our grocery store and make a mental note of what meat and produce is on sale (chances are if it's on sale it's also seasonal which means it will taste better- bonus).
I'm not very creative, so instead of racking my brain or flipping through endless recipes, I streamline this process by using a spreadsheet. I made a simple table in Microsoft Word with columns like Chicken, Beef, Vegetarian, Pork, Soups, Side Dishes, Other, and Dessert. Every time I make a recipe that we like, I add it to the appropriate column. Then all I have to do is scan the table and see what looks good. Is pork on sale? I look down my pork list. Do I want something vegetarian? Do I feel like making a soup? Easy peazy.
Bonuses to this method: it helps you create a well balanced menu because you are fully aware what the main category of meat/produce is that you are working with, it keeps variety because you don't have to rely on your memory and end up eating the same 7 meals over and over, and since you only list recipes that you want to eat again, you know everything on that spreadsheet is food worth cooking!
Sometimes I ask Ben what he feels like having this week. He'll come look at the spreadsheet and pick a few things out. I also have a list of new recipes that I pick a few recipes to try. If it turns out well, we add it to the spreadsheet.
Here's a rough picture of half of my spreadsheet (you can tell what we like to eat because my vegetarian list is about three times as long as my beef list):
- It gives you more TIME. I only have to plan once a week for 30 minutes or so, go shopping once, and then I don't have to think about it until the next week.
- Variety. I don't enjoy eating the same meal for 3 days in a row.
- It saves money. You can plan your meals around sale items. And you only buy what you need. Our fridge looks empty most of the time- but it has everything we need for 6-7 dinners. Ben has gotten in the habit of asking "do you need this one half of tomato or can I eat it?" because if it's in the fridge, chances are I'm planning on using it for a meal.
- It's healthy. When you plan ahead, you can plan well balanced meals and don't have to rely on eating out or eating processed food. It's also easier to control your cravings in the grocery store than it is at home. If you don't buy it, you can't eat it.
Here's the method I've found works best for us.
Step 1. I sit down every Saturday. First I look at the weekly ads online at our grocery store and make a mental note of what meat and produce is on sale (chances are if it's on sale it's also seasonal which means it will taste better- bonus).
I'm not very creative, so instead of racking my brain or flipping through endless recipes, I streamline this process by using a spreadsheet. I made a simple table in Microsoft Word with columns like Chicken, Beef, Vegetarian, Pork, Soups, Side Dishes, Other, and Dessert. Every time I make a recipe that we like, I add it to the appropriate column. Then all I have to do is scan the table and see what looks good. Is pork on sale? I look down my pork list. Do I want something vegetarian? Do I feel like making a soup? Easy peazy.
Bonuses to this method: it helps you create a well balanced menu because you are fully aware what the main category of meat/produce is that you are working with, it keeps variety because you don't have to rely on your memory and end up eating the same 7 meals over and over, and since you only list recipes that you want to eat again, you know everything on that spreadsheet is food worth cooking!
Sometimes I ask Ben what he feels like having this week. He'll come look at the spreadsheet and pick a few things out. I also have a list of new recipes that I pick a few recipes to try. If it turns out well, we add it to the spreadsheet.
Here's a rough picture of half of my spreadsheet (you can tell what we like to eat because my vegetarian list is about three times as long as my beef list):
Tips for planning:
- I type my meal plan in the space above the spreadsheet (main dish, a veggie, and occasionally another side). That way, I can easily move meals around if something changes (like when I get home late and don't have time to make what's on the meal for Tuesday but I do have time for Wednesday's meal). I try to plan a mixture of quick meals and longer meals.
- I typically plan meals that feed four. That way, I immediately box up the leftovers in two containers and lunch is ready. We rarely buy lunch food.
- Think ahead about your schedule. On the night before our small group, I'll make a meal that feeds double so Ben can have it for dinner while I'm at group. If you get home from work late on Thursdays, plan the throw-it-in-the-oven meal for that night.
- Since you are buying all your food a week in advance, you have to think expiration dates. I plan a lot of the meat dishes or dishes with fresh veggies early in the week. Towards the end of the week, I go for items that won't spoil (beans, lentils, pasta) and I usually use frozen veggies for the last few days since our area's produce doesn't last long. Grilled cheese and tomato soup is an easy go-to Sunday meal. If I ever make a meal with mushrooms it is always on a Monday- our mushrooms spoil unless we eat them within a day or so.
- Use ingredients for multiple dishes to save money. If I'm making homemade pizza one night, I will plan something else at the end of the week, like calzones or baked ravioli, so I can use the rest of the spaghetti sauce and it doesn't go to waste. If a recipe calls for bacon, I will usually make at least two dishes that require bacon because we don't buy it often.
Step 2. Make a grocery list. Glance over each recipe you are making and jot down the items that you need to buy. We keep a list on the fridge for random items that we run out of so I just add the items to this list. Easy.
Step 3. Go shopping. I make a note to see how fresh the vegetables are and the expiration dates on the meat. That way, I can switch around a couple of meals if I think the meat needs to be eaten early in the week but the veggies will last for 4 days (do this as soon as you get home while it's on your mind or you will forget and find rotten food in your fridge!)
That's it! You don't have to think about dinner for the rest of the week and you know everything you need is in your kitchen.
October 14, 2011
Introducing...
After months of looking for a car for Ben to take to his rotations and school, we officially bought one yesterday! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders because now I can keep the Passat with me and the baby.
A 1996 Oldsmobile- I realize it's a major granny-mobile, but I totally don't care. And neither does Ben. It has the major things we wanted: adequate miles, big and safe, good gas mileage, and was pre-owned by only two people- an oldy lady and a Christian family man- both who took care of it well. Overlooking the fact that it has some dents and a wire-rigged bumper....
We are mostly thrilled that we actually paid for it and don't have a massive car loan hanging over our heads. Living within our means, Dave Ramsey-style.
Strangely enough, buying this car made me appreciate my husband even more and how he doesn't fall into the got-to-have-the-nicest-coolest-best materialistic attitude of America. 'Cause while I would be a little embarassed to drive this thing around, he doesn't care. I admire him for that. I said when he's finished with school and working and we save up enough money, we will have to buy an even NICER used car. Imagine that! :)
Now to figure out how to ghetto-rig this panel that's falling off in the inside...
A 1996 Oldsmobile- I realize it's a major granny-mobile, but I totally don't care. And neither does Ben. It has the major things we wanted: adequate miles, big and safe, good gas mileage, and was pre-owned by only two people- an oldy lady and a Christian family man- both who took care of it well. Overlooking the fact that it has some dents and a wire-rigged bumper....
We are mostly thrilled that we actually paid for it and don't have a massive car loan hanging over our heads. Living within our means, Dave Ramsey-style.
Strangely enough, buying this car made me appreciate my husband even more and how he doesn't fall into the got-to-have-the-nicest-coolest-best materialistic attitude of America. 'Cause while I would be a little embarassed to drive this thing around, he doesn't care. I admire him for that. I said when he's finished with school and working and we save up enough money, we will have to buy an even NICER used car. Imagine that! :)
Now to figure out how to ghetto-rig this panel that's falling off in the inside...
October 6, 2011
Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival 101
I was recently thinking about what I've learned through trial and error about being content as a stay at home mom and how to keep things in perspective. Though I am in no way an expert, I thought I would share a little bit about what has helped me keep my sanity thus far (this ended up being way longer than I intended)...
1. Get dressed. It sounds simple, but it's easy to overlook. Some days it seems like a lot of work to get dressed and take a shower in the morning when I have to find a way to keep Anna occupied and have so many other things to do. However, I keep it a priority because if I put myself together it makes a huge difference in my attitude. I feel better. To make the process easier, I skip the makeup and hair styling (I don't generally do these things anyway). You might laugh, but I often still wear the clothes I used to go to work in. I've rebelled against the idea that I can't wear what I like simply because I stay at home for my "job." Anna doesn't spit up or fling baby food (yet) so this makes it easy to wear what I want.
2. Be careful what you read online. There is a lot of bad information out there. Googling something related to your little one and reading up on it can be a nightmare. While it's good to know a certain degree of information, sometimes ignorance is bliss (do you really want to know all the problems other parents had with teething when you may never encounter any of them?). Be careful not to let yourself be consumed by information, good or bad. Instead of googling, go to a few trusted websites that are compatible with your values and search for your questions within them. My personal favorites are Dr. Sears and Kellymom. http://www.askdrsears.com/ and http://www.kellymom.com/.
3. Get outside. If I don't get outside at least twice a day, I get gloomy. I need the sun, wind, and fresh air. We don't have a lot of space outside, but I can still find a way to make it work. Sometimes I put down a blanket on the grass and let Anna play while I read. Other times I take her swinging on the playground. If she's taking a nap I might plop my fold up chair outside the apartment for a little while.
4. Learn when to say no. Gone are the days when you could spend lots of time going out with friends and travelling all over to visit family. This has been one of the biggest adjustments for us as parents of an infant, and I think it's an adjustment for the others in your life, as well. Your friends may not understand why you can't go out to eat last minute at 7:00 at night. Your family members might be surprised that you can't travel and visit as frequently as you used to. We've learned that trying to meet everyone's pre-baby expectations only results in frazzled parents and an unhappy baby. We've realized that since we are the ones who ultimately have to deal with the consequences of a too-packed schedule, we are responsible for putting limits on what we can do at this stage of life. Do what you realistically can, but know when to politely decline and stay home. The people who love you will understand.
Nevertheless,
5. Maintain a healthy level of socializing. Going out, meeting a friend, or even going to church can seem like too much of a hassle to be worth it sometimes. For example, I met up with my friend Kristen and her baby the other day. Multiple catastrophes ensued resulting in roadsides stops, a delayed timetable that led to unexpected feedings, etc. By the time we were actually in the same location and one of us didn't have to feed, change, or clean up after a baby it had been over an hour and we only had 25 minutes to hang out! While it may not seem worth the trouble, it is. It's worth it to connect. We still had a great time!
6. Don't compare. If you take a minute to look around at other moms, you will surely feel like there is more that you are not doing than you are doing. There are often days when I do not hold long conversations with Anna to "build" her vocabulary, don't read her 4-7 books, and don't try to teach her animal names, colors, or numbers. It's ok. Your child doesn't have to be the next prodigy to be valuable. In the end, I remind myself that loving my child is enough. If I love her she will thrive.
7. Take advice with a grain of salt. Lots of people give advice- some of it is really good, and some of it is really bad. Many times people just see a part of the picture when they are with your child for a few hours or a few days. You have the wider perspective on what your child needs. It's ok if people don't always understand your choices. It's not your job to please others. We received lots of advice regarding not holding Anna too much or getting her to sleep through the night. We did not follow much of this advice, and we are happy with the results of our personal choices. In the same breath, don't be so close minded that you develop a "my way or the highway" attitude either. It's a balance that we're still learning. It helps when it's people you trust giving the advice- Anna's grandparents are all great and we are happy to receive advice from them.
8. Exercise. Just do it. My husband is a runner- he grew up running. I am not. I grew up exercising in a classroom setting with music and movement (ballet). Running is like torture to me. My favorite kind of exercise in Athens was ballroom dancing and Jazzercise. Those things aren't available where we are now, so I do what I can. In the summer I swim laps and walk. In the winter I do some pilates. Anything but run :)
9. Keep things in perspective. I recently had a conversation with a friend about how it's so easy to be up-and-down emotionally if you draw conclusions based on your child's actions over a relatively short period of time. For example, if your baby struggles to gain weight and he hardly had anything that day, you might feel a wreck. Or if your toddler's struggle is temper tantrums and he has several meltdowns after a period of improvement it can be easy to find yourself in a roller coaster of emotion and frustration. I've had to learn to step back and look at the big picture. Is my baby overall eating better? (or is my toddler overall learning to control his behavior more?) Trying to focus on the general pattern is much easier than being an emotional slave to the events of a few days.
10. Don't be afraid to ask people to wash their hands before they hold your baby. I'm generally not too paranoid about germs and never have been. Perhaps it comes from camping in Guatemala or living in India where children play in the dirt and eat food off the floor. But I am a little more wary when it comes to cold and flu season because it's truly miserable to have a sick infant with a cold (who cannot blow their nose). It's ok to ask people to wash their hands before they hold your baby, especially if they just came back from being out at the store or with other people. As Sarah says, "If anyone gets offended, just say that you're thrilled they're willing to come over and take care of a screaming, clingy, sick baby for the next week!" :) Before I had a baby, I wouldn't have thought about washing my hands before holding someone else's, so sometimes people just don't know and don't mind being asked. If it keeps her from getting sick, I figure it's worth being labeled "that parent."
11. She will be fine. My background is working with emotionally disturbed children and adults. Anxiety, depression, psychosis, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders, phobias, suicidal tendencies, autism, bipolar disorder, bullying, relational bullying (think 12-year-old girls), you name it. When you see pathology or torment so often, it's easy to be overly worried about it yourself. Especially when I think about Anna's surgery and her future physical difference. I once asked a former mentor counselor how she dealt with this fear in terms of her own children. She said when she makes a mistake of some sort, she just reminds herself that there's grace. And lots of it. And then she lets it go. My personal mantra is "She will be fine. There's grace."
12. Give your spouse a minute. Ben and I realized early on that when he comes home, it's best if I don't bombard him with a million things, asking him to hold the baby so I can do something or even just asking business questions (even if they've been on my mind all day). Instead, when he first comes home, we typically chit-chat about how our days went. Then Ben takes a minute to do a few things and I go about my business. Eventually he's ready to hang out with Anna and help so I can make dinner. Everyone is more happy and relaxed this way.
13. Appreciate what you have. As Kristina says, "these are the best days of your life." Enjoy them. Even the hard days. I try to remember what Graham Cooke always said, "There are no good days and bad days. Only days of grace. Sometimes God gives us the grace to enjoy. Sometimes he gives us the grace to endure."
And finally,
14. Let go of guilt. Yes, your children are your earthly responsiblity to love, protect, and provide for. But above this, they belong to God, and if you are seeking him then he will care for them better than you ever could. You can't control everything and you can't fix everything (and you don't need to). Let go of your guilt and trust God (easier said then done, I know).
Now let's see if I can remember these things in a few hours, he he...
1. Get dressed. It sounds simple, but it's easy to overlook. Some days it seems like a lot of work to get dressed and take a shower in the morning when I have to find a way to keep Anna occupied and have so many other things to do. However, I keep it a priority because if I put myself together it makes a huge difference in my attitude. I feel better. To make the process easier, I skip the makeup and hair styling (I don't generally do these things anyway). You might laugh, but I often still wear the clothes I used to go to work in. I've rebelled against the idea that I can't wear what I like simply because I stay at home for my "job." Anna doesn't spit up or fling baby food (yet) so this makes it easy to wear what I want.
2. Be careful what you read online. There is a lot of bad information out there. Googling something related to your little one and reading up on it can be a nightmare. While it's good to know a certain degree of information, sometimes ignorance is bliss (do you really want to know all the problems other parents had with teething when you may never encounter any of them?). Be careful not to let yourself be consumed by information, good or bad. Instead of googling, go to a few trusted websites that are compatible with your values and search for your questions within them. My personal favorites are Dr. Sears and Kellymom. http://www.askdrsears.com/ and http://www.kellymom.com/.
3. Get outside. If I don't get outside at least twice a day, I get gloomy. I need the sun, wind, and fresh air. We don't have a lot of space outside, but I can still find a way to make it work. Sometimes I put down a blanket on the grass and let Anna play while I read. Other times I take her swinging on the playground. If she's taking a nap I might plop my fold up chair outside the apartment for a little while.
4. Learn when to say no. Gone are the days when you could spend lots of time going out with friends and travelling all over to visit family. This has been one of the biggest adjustments for us as parents of an infant, and I think it's an adjustment for the others in your life, as well. Your friends may not understand why you can't go out to eat last minute at 7:00 at night. Your family members might be surprised that you can't travel and visit as frequently as you used to. We've learned that trying to meet everyone's pre-baby expectations only results in frazzled parents and an unhappy baby. We've realized that since we are the ones who ultimately have to deal with the consequences of a too-packed schedule, we are responsible for putting limits on what we can do at this stage of life. Do what you realistically can, but know when to politely decline and stay home. The people who love you will understand.
Nevertheless,
5. Maintain a healthy level of socializing. Going out, meeting a friend, or even going to church can seem like too much of a hassle to be worth it sometimes. For example, I met up with my friend Kristen and her baby the other day. Multiple catastrophes ensued resulting in roadsides stops, a delayed timetable that led to unexpected feedings, etc. By the time we were actually in the same location and one of us didn't have to feed, change, or clean up after a baby it had been over an hour and we only had 25 minutes to hang out! While it may not seem worth the trouble, it is. It's worth it to connect. We still had a great time!
6. Don't compare. If you take a minute to look around at other moms, you will surely feel like there is more that you are not doing than you are doing. There are often days when I do not hold long conversations with Anna to "build" her vocabulary, don't read her 4-7 books, and don't try to teach her animal names, colors, or numbers. It's ok. Your child doesn't have to be the next prodigy to be valuable. In the end, I remind myself that loving my child is enough. If I love her she will thrive.
7. Take advice with a grain of salt. Lots of people give advice- some of it is really good, and some of it is really bad. Many times people just see a part of the picture when they are with your child for a few hours or a few days. You have the wider perspective on what your child needs. It's ok if people don't always understand your choices. It's not your job to please others. We received lots of advice regarding not holding Anna too much or getting her to sleep through the night. We did not follow much of this advice, and we are happy with the results of our personal choices. In the same breath, don't be so close minded that you develop a "my way or the highway" attitude either. It's a balance that we're still learning. It helps when it's people you trust giving the advice- Anna's grandparents are all great and we are happy to receive advice from them.
8. Exercise. Just do it. My husband is a runner- he grew up running. I am not. I grew up exercising in a classroom setting with music and movement (ballet). Running is like torture to me. My favorite kind of exercise in Athens was ballroom dancing and Jazzercise. Those things aren't available where we are now, so I do what I can. In the summer I swim laps and walk. In the winter I do some pilates. Anything but run :)
9. Keep things in perspective. I recently had a conversation with a friend about how it's so easy to be up-and-down emotionally if you draw conclusions based on your child's actions over a relatively short period of time. For example, if your baby struggles to gain weight and he hardly had anything that day, you might feel a wreck. Or if your toddler's struggle is temper tantrums and he has several meltdowns after a period of improvement it can be easy to find yourself in a roller coaster of emotion and frustration. I've had to learn to step back and look at the big picture. Is my baby overall eating better? (or is my toddler overall learning to control his behavior more?) Trying to focus on the general pattern is much easier than being an emotional slave to the events of a few days.
10. Don't be afraid to ask people to wash their hands before they hold your baby. I'm generally not too paranoid about germs and never have been. Perhaps it comes from camping in Guatemala or living in India where children play in the dirt and eat food off the floor. But I am a little more wary when it comes to cold and flu season because it's truly miserable to have a sick infant with a cold (who cannot blow their nose). It's ok to ask people to wash their hands before they hold your baby, especially if they just came back from being out at the store or with other people. As Sarah says, "If anyone gets offended, just say that you're thrilled they're willing to come over and take care of a screaming, clingy, sick baby for the next week!" :) Before I had a baby, I wouldn't have thought about washing my hands before holding someone else's, so sometimes people just don't know and don't mind being asked. If it keeps her from getting sick, I figure it's worth being labeled "that parent."
11. She will be fine. My background is working with emotionally disturbed children and adults. Anxiety, depression, psychosis, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders, phobias, suicidal tendencies, autism, bipolar disorder, bullying, relational bullying (think 12-year-old girls), you name it. When you see pathology or torment so often, it's easy to be overly worried about it yourself. Especially when I think about Anna's surgery and her future physical difference. I once asked a former mentor counselor how she dealt with this fear in terms of her own children. She said when she makes a mistake of some sort, she just reminds herself that there's grace. And lots of it. And then she lets it go. My personal mantra is "She will be fine. There's grace."
12. Give your spouse a minute. Ben and I realized early on that when he comes home, it's best if I don't bombard him with a million things, asking him to hold the baby so I can do something or even just asking business questions (even if they've been on my mind all day). Instead, when he first comes home, we typically chit-chat about how our days went. Then Ben takes a minute to do a few things and I go about my business. Eventually he's ready to hang out with Anna and help so I can make dinner. Everyone is more happy and relaxed this way.
13. Appreciate what you have. As Kristina says, "these are the best days of your life." Enjoy them. Even the hard days. I try to remember what Graham Cooke always said, "There are no good days and bad days. Only days of grace. Sometimes God gives us the grace to enjoy. Sometimes he gives us the grace to endure."
And finally,
14. Let go of guilt. Yes, your children are your earthly responsiblity to love, protect, and provide for. But above this, they belong to God, and if you are seeking him then he will care for them better than you ever could. You can't control everything and you can't fix everything (and you don't need to). Let go of your guilt and trust God (easier said then done, I know).
Now let's see if I can remember these things in a few hours, he he...
Sittin up like a big girl.
October 1, 2011
First Attempt
at Babyfood making.
First trip ever to Earth Fare to get some pesticide-free veggies that are friendly to tiny developing brains. A-mazing. Imagine doing all your grocery shopping in this place.
I bought sweet carrots, sweet bell peppers, zuchinni, broccoli and green beans.
End Note: I struggled with whether I should use pre-made baby food or make my own. At first I thought it would ultimately be best to make all my own so I could use pesticide-free produce and help get rid of Anna's constipation. But then I found out that organic baby food is actually regulated a LOT better than organic produce. Since then pesticides weren't an issue I weighed the costs/benefits for us as a family and decided to use pre-made baby food for fruit (except fruits served ripe like avocado and banana) and make my own vegetables. This serves multiple purposes- 1. It saves us $ since buying all organic produce is too expensive for us at this time and organic fruit can be twice the cost of organic veggies. 2. Fruit doesn't freeze or prepare as easily (in my opinion) as veggies and sometimes it's hard to find good, ripe fruit 3. Part of the upside of making your own food is that babies get used to the taste of foods they might not want to eat as they get older. I figured that fruit is sweet and generally appealing- it's the veggies that take a developing of taste. Since I want Anna to gets to know what fresh veggies taste like (and hopefully learn to love them), it allows me to do that. 3. It still gives us the anti-constipating benefit of fresh food- pre-made baby food is more constipating, and the poor girl has had her share of constipation issues. 3. I can alter the consistency as she gets older so she's not just eating smooth purees. 4. I can make veggies that aren't typically offered in pre-made baby food (like broccoli).
Happy eating!
First trip ever to Earth Fare to get some pesticide-free veggies that are friendly to tiny developing brains. A-mazing. Imagine doing all your grocery shopping in this place.
I bought sweet carrots, sweet bell peppers, zuchinni, broccoli and green beans.
Then chop,
Steam,
and Freeze.
Don't forget to entertain baby...
and have some fun afterwards!
End Note: I struggled with whether I should use pre-made baby food or make my own. At first I thought it would ultimately be best to make all my own so I could use pesticide-free produce and help get rid of Anna's constipation. But then I found out that organic baby food is actually regulated a LOT better than organic produce. Since then pesticides weren't an issue I weighed the costs/benefits for us as a family and decided to use pre-made baby food for fruit (except fruits served ripe like avocado and banana) and make my own vegetables. This serves multiple purposes- 1. It saves us $ since buying all organic produce is too expensive for us at this time and organic fruit can be twice the cost of organic veggies. 2. Fruit doesn't freeze or prepare as easily (in my opinion) as veggies and sometimes it's hard to find good, ripe fruit 3. Part of the upside of making your own food is that babies get used to the taste of foods they might not want to eat as they get older. I figured that fruit is sweet and generally appealing- it's the veggies that take a developing of taste. Since I want Anna to gets to know what fresh veggies taste like (and hopefully learn to love them), it allows me to do that. 3. It still gives us the anti-constipating benefit of fresh food- pre-made baby food is more constipating, and the poor girl has had her share of constipation issues. 3. I can alter the consistency as she gets older so she's not just eating smooth purees. 4. I can make veggies that aren't typically offered in pre-made baby food (like broccoli).
Happy eating!