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Don't ever tell them they can't or shouldn't, and they will amaze you. 

Anna, 4 years 

A letter from a reader

I receive a very meaningful email from a woman and I wanted to share. I know that making a decision for your child is so difficult and any information I hope I can provide as much information as possible to help parents be informed. I don't usually look at my blog's 'stats' but checked it out today and saw that 356 people viewed the Fibular Hemimelia information page in just one day! I am thankful for this responsibility I have to share information with you, and I take it very seriously. I have received a couple of other emails similar to this one, but this brave woman's really stood out to me. Thank you to her for allowing me to share her experience.




Hello!  I just wanted to tell you that I was born with this condition as was your Daughter.  I knew my leg was shorter and had some issues but had never heard of this condition when I started seeing a new specialist for problems with my ankle.  My parents were given the option to amputate my leg when I was a small child or do the elongation surgery. They chose the elongation surgery. I can understand why my parents made that decision – no one wants their child to have a leg amputated.   And I know that had to be a very hard decision for you and your husband to come to.  I wish my parents would have had the courage do make the decision you made for your daughter.  Even after the surgeries my right leg is 2” shorter than my left leg, I am missing a toe on my right foot, my ankle and foot are deformed.   And it’s a never ending saga – and there are numerous things that are hard for me to do  - walk very far, walk over uneven ground, ect.

School Lesson

This week, like last year, I went into Anna's Pre-K class to do a lesson on differences, and to educate the kids on Anna's prosthetic leg. It went so well, and I was so proud of Anna for getting up and telling the kids about her leg. She was so brave and acted like such a big girl.  Over the years I've coached/modeled for her different things she can say when people ask her questions, and now she is completely comfortable answering questions and talking about it. I'm so proud of her.

If you want to read more about the lesson I did, check out this post from last year.

Goodbye

It’s often said that you don’t fully appreciate something or someone until they’re gone. With the sudden loss of my younger brother Tim in a senseless shooting, I can attest to that statement. He has always been my best friend. I have occasional pangs of regret that I didn’t talk to him more these past few years, that I didn’t take full advantage of his company, but mostly I just watch bittersweet memories of him run across my line of sight, one after the other. Even if I had known what was coming, I don’t think I could have ever fully appreciated Tim. And I like it that way. In the weeks after Tim’s passing, I have heard new stories of his generosity and his love for people that deepen my knowledge of him and give me joy amidst the pain of his loss. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like being able to appreciate Tim the more I learn about him, with each story shared. I want to hear more about Tim, I want to know my brother more. I am so thankful for those people who have taken the time to share with me and the rest of the family how Tim impacted their lives.  

Tim wasn’t perfect. He had his share of faults like everyone else, but he did take more time than me to smell the proverbial roses. His unexpected death has caused me to step back and reassess my approach to life, my gratitude for life. I would give almost anything to have my brother back, but I am thankful in a way that this wake-up call occurred now, and not in my golden years. Suddenly, the threat of HOA hate mail because of my overgrown lawn loses some of its significance. I am less concerned that a patient’s ramblings will force me to hit rush hour traffic. Forgetting to haul the garbage can to the street for the weekly pick-up doesn’t elicit the same level of self-reproach. I have talked to my parents and siblings more in the last 3 weeks than I would have otherwise in 3 months.  Life seems more precious now, and Tim would want it to be that way for us. He would want his death to have that effect on our lives because that was how he liked to live.

I still find myself wading back into the fast-paced normalcy of life, and an hour or a day or a week later, coming to, and remembering what I had so quickly forgotten about life’s preciousness.

-Ben

Timothy Peter

 January 19, 1983 - July 28, 2015

   

Lessons for my daughter (and myself)

Some important life lessons and wisdom that I have accumulated through the years.....

There will always be someting troubling happening in life. Learn to be content and to trust God rather than wishing away the current storm. There will almost always be a trial in your life at any given time. Expect them; don't feel disappointed or let down when they come. Be ready. Prepared.

People are often cruel for the same reasons: someone is cruel to them, no one taught them and they don't know any better. Repay them with kindness. They need it more than you do.

People are often not what they seem on the outside. Never assume.

Never make a joke at someone else's expense. It's cheap and easy humor. Stay away from sarcasm for the same reasons.

Do not believe things simply because they have been widely accepted. Seek the truth for yourself, particularly when it comes to God.

Being kind to others will take you much farther in life than two legs ever could.

God will always reveal himself to those who honestly seek him.

Everyone has a story and everyone is hurting in there own way. No person is evil. Satan is evil and he lurks everywhere. He uses hurt and brokenness to bring about evil. Try to see the broken people behind evil actions.

People are not 'bad' or 'good,' nor are children 'bad' or 'good.' People do bad things, and people do good things. They have the choice to change from one pattern to the next at any time.

In the same breath, be careful about labels. You never know the impact you may have on someone's future and destiny by putting a label on them.

Lack of loving (or liking) someone is often from a lack of truly knowing them. Invest in knowing them more deeply, and you will find that as you understand them, you just may become endeared to them.

People do not want pity when they are suffering. They don't want cliché responses that make you feel better. They want you to be there, to express your sorrow, and to stand by them through the pain, even though it's not fun.

In the same breath, you will always be ok.

Courage is not about being unafraid, it's about choosing to do what's right despite your fear.

Never be a part of someone picking on someone else. Standing by and watching it happen is just as bad.

Never become so comfortable that you fail to see the things in you that need to change; yet don't live your life trying to attain some sort of selfish perfection.

Always be on the lookout for ways you can be kind to someone.

Look for people that are alone and looked over by others. Make a conscious effort to reach out to them as Jesus would.

Work hard at everything you do and give your best effort, not just the things that others tell you are "worthwhile."

Don't love money. It will not bring you happiness. Remember you cannot serve two Gods. Have an open hand with all material things, and remember that it all comes from God and ultimately belongs to him.

Don't live your life wishing for the future and in the process miss out on the beautiful in the now.