Letters

Dear Library, I'm so glad we became reunited. You make my cable free living oh so much better. I spend less time on the computer and more time in my comfy leather chair. I feel like there's this whole big world out there I have been neglecting.

Hair, I liked when you stayed on my head while I was pregnant. It was so nice. Now I have to deal with your long black strands everywhere. And well, it's not fun. Nor pretty. There are rare moments when I wish my hair were blond, but cleaning the bathroom is one of them.

Anna, why must you constantly elude your parents when you roll from your back to your tummy? We know you do it.

Pinterest, how I love thee.

Pandora, thank you for making my new "Disney" channel fabulous. I seem to like it more than Anna (and more than all my other channels). Now I don't have to buy a bunch of kiddo CDs. Thanks for that. Oh, and for being free.

Dear Constipation, please stop torturing my daughter (and me in the process). Thanks.

Cavalier, I wonder how you are doing in the junkyard these days? I bet it is pretty lonely. I miss having you around. I'm disappointed you couldn't hold out one more year until Ben graduated....but I guess it's okay since it's too hot to really leave the apartment anyway. However, someday I'm sure I will want to go somewhere. Anna gets pretty bored around here. So please send a replacement soon. Thanks.

Milk, please feel free to leave anytime. I don't really have a need for you anymore, and no offense but you are kind of painful. Oh and when you return, try to slow down and be a little more manageable for your customer. Then hopefully you can stick around.

Dear school, you have held my husband ransom long enough. In one week, he will have regained a portion of his freedom. Rotations, please be kind to him.

Kroger, thank you for having so many good vegetable sales lately. You are starting to make up for that expired turkey you sold me a month ago that made me sick.

Dear Neighbor, I'm sorry that you like to argue with your wife girlfriends. But please refrain from yelling while baby is sleeping. Thanks.